youre lurking in front of me
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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