You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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