I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
