he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
