no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
