i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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