So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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