Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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