theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
