Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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