I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
