i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
