Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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