did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
