They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
you never un-have a 4some
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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