Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
