i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
