i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You left your phone here
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