Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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