U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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