Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think people are normalizing furries
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
