Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
