My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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