Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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