You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
