We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
