She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
