We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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