wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
