We got so high we made milksteak
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
