You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
