Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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