I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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