what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
