at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
