im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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