If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
