I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
