Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
