Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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