she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
