they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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