You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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