...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
