Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My brain says no but my pants say off.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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