there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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