im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
