Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
