I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
