Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
