Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
All the doctor said was why
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
