no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize