Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
