we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
