I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
