How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
