Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
