I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
