People in love make me want to vomit
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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