I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
