Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
