2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
There are leaves in my underwear?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
