Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You took a bar mat shot.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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