I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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