he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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