Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
