The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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