Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
