I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
