I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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