When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The adults are the big ones right?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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