I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
