I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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