I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
