you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
