We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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