Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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