a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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