omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
