dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize