Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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