I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The struggles of a small town man whore
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
