Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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