His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize