hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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