forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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