I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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