Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
