no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
